By LARRY GETLEN
June 28, 2005 -- THIRTEEN people stand near the bar
at Bar Room on the Upper East Side, and no one is speaking.
Some watch Tom Cruise - without Katie - promote
his new movie on TV. Others just stare awkwardly into space. Finally, a young
man in short sleeves approaches the bar and, in a high-pitched voice, says,
"Can I have a water, please?"
As fun-filled rock-and-roll evenings go, this does not bode
well.
We're here for Speed
Friending, an event at which everyone involved meets about 15 people for
five minutes each. Everyone then congregates at the bar, where they can continue
conversations with whomever they found interesting.
"I saw how well speed dating worked,"says entrepreneur
Jared Nissim, who has founded other social groups, including The Lunch Club
and Meet Your Neighbors.
"We took the speed dating model and made it about making
friends."
The other night, the third meeting of Speed
Friending picked up after a slow start, and participants wound up talking
with people they would not normally socialize with.
"Mostly, I meet people who do what I do, people in the
health profession," says David Seitz, a 40-something doctor who lives
in the Flatiron District. "This seemed like a nice way to meet people
who do other things."
Lianna Purjes, 21, is a transfer student at NYU, but has
trouble making friends there.
"NYU is one of those schools where it's very difficult
to meet people," says the Upper West Sider.
Purjes rarely goes to parties and doesn't drink much.
"This is, in general, what college students like to
do," she says. "I figured at Speed Friending, people are going to
make friends. That's the whole point."
As the event gets in gear, Nissim tells us that half the
participants will remain at a "station," and the other half will
rotate. Seats all around the bar, from leather couches to bar stools serves
as the stations.
Assigned to station No. 3, I'm joined by my first speed friend,
Ryan, a black-haired Web site developer with the nervous energy of a man shackled
to a computer 18 hours a day.
As we start to chat, we're both talking a bit too quickly,
and I'm not exactly sure why. Is it nervousness at the prospect of having
to make idle chitchat with 15 strangers, or knowing that we'll have to judge
potential friends in just five minutes when, personally speaking, it usually
takes me 10 to decide on toppings for pizza?
After five minutes, Nissim bangs what sounds like a soft
gong, and the rotation begins. Before I can blink, Ryan is gone, and Tracy,
another Web developer, is my new chatmate.
She talks about her day for two minutes before I realize
in a panic that I don't know where she lives or where she works, the standard
"getting to know you" questions. Our time is almost half over, and
I feel like a human resources manager who hasn't done his job.
When Tracy leaves, I try to go over what she said in my mind,
but I can't because Nick is already here. Speed
Friending is starting to feel like that moment in Missile Command when
the missiles are firing faster than you can fire back and you're seconds away
from dying, and I wonder if this event isn't the ultimate blend of the stress
of a job interview with the even greater stress of a blind date.
I discuss King Tut with Nick, a history buff. Alice and Catherine
follow, then, there's David the doctor.
I realize that while this is exhausting, it is getting easier.
It may be because I'm getting used to it, or maybe the beer is helping, or
maybe I'm just beyond caring because if I don't connect with someone, then
someone new is right behind them. It all whizzes by in a kind of a blur.
Annie, a hypnotherapist, hands me a business card as soon
as she sits down, and proceeds to explain how tapping on a person's face can
improve their health.
There's Tanya, Chris and then - Stephanie.
The 27-year-old labor and delivery nurse says she already
has "an awesome circle of friends," but decided to check it out
"because it's a great way to meet people and expand my personal circle.
And," she laughs, "it was right down the street from me."
In just five minutes, Stephanie shows she's the friendly
type. Gregarious and cheery, she explains her job by saying, "I work
with vaginas." This conversation is one of the more memorable of the
evening.
Further explaining why she signed up for Speed
Friending, she says "It gets you out of your apartment and gets you
out of your typical routine."
Down the home stretch, there's chatting with Ken the social
worker and ad agency owner Monica, and as the gong rings for the final time,
I'm exhausted, and in dire need of a nap or a cappuccino.
But as we file into the bar, there are several people I look
forward to speaking with further, (although I have to check my note sheet
to remember who they are), and most people stick around to learn more about
the people they just met.
Stephanie enjoys herself so much that she goes out for drinks
with several other Speed Frienders after the event.
"I had a blast," she says. "It's really easy
to meet people, because everyone has the same focus, so it's not an awkward
scene where people aren't friendly."
